I Just Had A Mental Hissy Fit Over My New Diet

Maybe it’s just because I’m home sick today, but I’ve had a mental hissy fit over my new dietary restrictions. I kid thee not, I was trying to figure out how to get away with driving fast to Perkins, and ordering 3 grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, a mountain of French fries, and a big frosty Coke.
It would have made me so sick…	photo by Ruth Flickr

It would have made me so sick that I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed for a day, and so guilty that I would have considered ending it all by forcing down 6 grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, and telling myself I just didn’t want it bad enough.

“I miss bread so much I could spit”

“I miss bread so much I could spit”. This thought runs through my head about 30 times a day. Then I start thinking about how I’m never going to be able to enjoy bread again. Then I remember that I have to add pizza to that list. Usually, this is the part where I flip out and start frantically looking for a Pizza Hut.

This happened to me when I stopped drinking Mountain Dew

This happened to me when I stopped drinking Mountain Dew several years ago. I was losing my mind, and I would catch myself cheating almost unconsciously. My body was tipping the quarters into the machine or ordering a glass in a restaurant even before I realized what I was doing.

Eventually though, it got better. I got to a place where I could beat the cravings back down, and I wasn’t cheating anymore. Then even later I was able to decline a glass of Mountain Dew when it was offered to me. These days, the thought of drinking a glass of it actually kinda grosses me out. I’ve tried tasting it once or twice just to see, and it tastes fairly bad to me now. The pendulum has swung the other way, and I don’t even really want one any more.

I hope I can get to that same place

I hope I can get to that same place with my current diet. But it’s very difficult, because my new diet is extremely restrictive. I’m not on this special diet for just my weight anymore. I’m now battling for my general health and well being. The stakes are a lot higher, and cheating has much further-reaching implications.

What makes it so difficult is that a lot of the foods that I’ve grown used to, even the ones that I ate regularly as “healthy food”, are now on the no-go list. Common items, like bananas and potatoes and onions and cinnamon and vanilla. And about 30 others.

Eating out is pretty much an exercise in frustration

Eating out is pretty much an exercise in frustration these days. I’ll cover that in a future post. For now let’s just say that waitpersons clench when they see me walking through the door because I’m the customer from Hell who thinks he’s a special little snowflake.

So, I ate my dinner and dreamed about bread and beer. My doc-who’s a genius by the way-tells me that there’s a good chance some of these dietary issues will heal themselves if I’m diligent. There might come a time when I can enjoy a few of the foods that I’m missing right now. I don’t think I want to count on that though.

Perhaps it’s the self-destructive inner-child Wulfgar talking, but I sometimes think I’m doing penance for 40 years of neglecting my body. I’ve had my cake, and ate it too. Many times over.

I want to kick my inner-child’s ass.

Regards,