Sweet Jeebus, Can Someone PLEASE Explain The Alternating Nostril Thing?

We’ve all had it. We’ve all wondered about it. Yet, no one seems able to tell me how to FIX IT!

This morning when I woke up, there it was. On the left. Just sitting all up in there. The one on the right was a little cloggy, but the left was COMPLETELY CEMENTED SHUT. This was anticipated, as I’ve been sick this whole week. I resigned myself to it, and got out of bed to start my day.

Then, when I wasn’t expecting it, sometime between my gluten-free, lemon angel pie, and the battle between Anakin Skywalker and Count Dooku, it happened. SWOOOOOOSH!!! Now it’s the right nostril! Arrggghhh!

Left side, completely unobstructed! You could test a new design for a fighter jet in that newly liberated wind tunnel. We are GO! for 100% air movement!

Just a coincidence says I. No big deal, says I. I’ll just sit here quietly and ride it out. What happened next? You guessed it! As Padme is telling Anakin that Luke and Leia are on the way, SWOOOOOOSH!!! It switched sides again! OMG! WTF!

After that, we were off to the races! Right side, left side, right side, left side. It’s like a tennis match in my nasal cavities! Seriously, is there a gnome with a paint brush sitting in there, tormenting me on purpose?

Medication, I thought! That’s what I need. My dealer at work turned me on to the Dayquil, so I popped a couple of those. They didn’t change anything, but now I feel a bit less scurvy-ish (I bought the Vitamin C enhanced version).

So, now I’m sitting here, worn out from keeping track of which side we’re currently on, and wondering just how the frack did we evolve something THIS ridiculous. What purpose did it serve to our caveperson ancestors? How did THIS particular bodily function prevent us from being eaten by sabretooth tigers?

Anyway, that’s my Saturday. How’s yours?