I’ve been asking myself this question since I was a kid.
All my life, since I was a early teenager, I’ve tried to answer this question. It’s on my mind constantly, like eating. No matter what jobs or experiences or successes I’ve had, I haven’t yet found the answer. Nothing seems to be good enough. And that’s the most frustrating thing of all; after 40 years of dragging my ass across the face of this planet, I’m still no closer to my answer.
I have TONS of stuff that I WANT to do.
I’ve experimented with LOTS of ideas. I’ve come up with literally a hundred ideas for things that I like to do. I’ve taken Myers-Briggs. I’ve written my mission statement. I’ve written and re-written my life’s purpose until I cried (a famous way of discovering your “passion”). I’ve explored my 7 spiritual chakras. I’ve talked myself into the 4 Agreements. I’ve attracted my career with The Secret. I’ve read blogs and articles by the thousands. I’ve worked my way through “Discover Your Life’s Purpose”, “Do What You Are, The Money Will Follow” and “What Color Is Your Parachute?” programs. I’ve been Over The Top with Ziglar, and practiced The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People with Covey. I’ve gone on walkabout. I’ve drank myself silly in attempts to force “creative thinking”. I’ve starved myself to force hallucinations. I’ve sat on the couch and played video games for weeks at a time, waiting for destiny to call my name, and my ship to come in.
Each of these methods are fabulous, and did produce results. But not the results I was looking for.
the ideas I’ve come up with seemed silly or unworkable for one reason or another.
That one is fun, but I can’t see myself doing it for a living. This one would be great, but I can’t get paid for it. I’d love to do this, but it would embarrass my wife and friends. I’ll get caught and go to jail if I get good at THAT. No one in their right minds would hire me for this. I’m too old to start over doing that. I don’t have a college degree, so I can’t do this one. I’d never survive the 8 years of college to get that degree.
I finally realized that the ideas aren’t unworkable, I am.
A lot of these ideas could have worked, or will work, or might work. With motivation and persistence, I could get most of them to happen. The problem is with me, not with the ideas. Why can’t I just be happy with what I’ve got?
None of the ideas seems like THE ONE. I continue to believe that once I finally find the truth, the thing that works perfectly for me, the life’s purpose I was meant to do, everything will fall into place. I’ll be hit with a lightning bolt of clarity, and shout out “This is it! This is what my life is about!” Now that I’ve typed it out, it sounds like I’ve been watching too many movies.
The research that I’ve done on passion and life’s purpose and destiny tells me that it never happens like that. Nearly every time, you intend to do something, end up doing something else, and realize one day that you actually found your bliss a long time ago.
how do I accept myself enough to believe in one of these ideas?
I’m still working on that. I think the secret is that I just need to get off my ass and pick something. Work it until I figure out that it’s not the one, and then switch to something else. My biggest fear in using that method is that I’ll waste the next 40 years trying on hats that look great, but don’t quite fit just right.
I guess I’d better get busy.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Its not the Goal, its the Path.
You are correct Jake. My problem though is I can’t pick a path.
There’s a bunch of things I CAN do, or that I would LIKE to do.
I just can’t shake the feeling that if I don’t narrow this down, I’m going to waste a lot of time looking.
Plus, tearing off on some existential snipe hunt doesn’t get my mortgage paid.
I know there’s no guarantees in life, but I’d at least like a hint.
I hear you on all of the above.
The question is, are you looking for a Path, or a Google Map?
Don’t worry about Picking a path, just take the one you are on, and figure out if it works for today and tomorrow. Nail down the trade-offs you are making by each step forward. If those trade offs are not worth it, start looking for the next branch. When you get to that branch, take a hard look at its trade-offs.
Larking off on the next fork is no better than doggedly rejecting alternatives to your current direction.
Very few of us are graced with the ability to define our destinies, but all of us have the option to recognize and value the trade-offs we make each and every day. If we view our trade-offs as things that are forced upon us by an uncaring universe and we will never have the ability to mitigate or choose how we perceive, than we doom ourselves to the slavery of our self inflicted ruts.
In recognizing the trade-offs and valuing them as something we acknowledge, and will take steps to mitigate if we choose they warrant it as appropriate, we gain the ability to shape our own course. It is all in the small steps forward.
And I should relish my small steps. Celebrate them for what they are.
I think you’re right. It’s all about the trade-offs and the path.